A solid introduction to alcohol

Youth
Alcohol can say that I am when I fell in early age. I have parents of peasant origin of France the deep confines of Quercy and Rouergue .. At the time the word "alcoholic" was not part of the vocabulary, it said "drunk". Those who did not drink wine was regarded as a patient.

Each farmer had his vineyard. The harvest was a true celebration and ended by large ripailles. When the new wine was fired my pleasure was strong, drinking together the nuts and fresh bread. I was 5 or 6 years. I was "chabrol" and drank one or two glasses of wine at meals. The "chabrol" is to keep a little soup broth and mix a little wine. Ca requinquait and replaced aperitif then non-existent in the countryside.
The wine was sacred as the bread that n'entamait never without making the sign of the cross with the knife.
My uncle Clovis cutting the wine with Vichy, I liked this mix, but it made the black tongue. My parents kept a small cafe restaurant in Montauban. I was happy. I saw the world and often played the belote with customers. I worked well at school, but continued to drink my 2 to 3 glasses of wine at every meal and sometimes some aperitifs.

My favorite was the Byrhh that I served in a tall glass with water and montais in my room doing devoirs.J've taken my first cooked 15 ans.L 'school had organized a trip to England. When we got back in France we have thrown on charcuterie, meat and ... the VIN. I came round table as a shovel. When I arrived at Montauban my father prepared me for a famous based breakfast chops and grilled lamb kidneys to the fireplace, but I could not drink wine saw my hangover.
My school has continued without problem until BAC. We watered copiously success. I was a little drunk and I was returning to back a friend at home. We woke up my father. We simply said that when we intended to mount a march us down to three. I go out often. It was the time yé yé. My parents trusted me and gave me no problem the key to the house. Then direction the FCC.
My Years FAC

At the beginning it was fine. My parents rented me a room furnished. And my father had given me his old car. I was free. Gradually I did knowledge of other students and we had a headquarters in a bistro near the Fac. I was having dinner often not without some drinking Ricard. We organize the grallious and evening
"dancing" which sometimes ended in bed. The problem is that this time I drank more and more. During these evenings we were a twenty and this was reflected by a score of Ricard, a good red kil the meals and coffee drunken Armagnac, but it was not daily, I was young and wanted well the coup. I finished
my studies with a master computer. Ca me enough. And I needed from the Military Service.
The Military Service
Three weeks to adapt to the climate of Djibouti. This was the period Beer, Whisky. I do not spend a day without m'alcooliser. Either with the crew (pilots or mechanics), with trouffions, with officers warning that I wanted to play the Tarots. Whenever a box full of Kronenbourg y going on. I have seen a grassouillet Toulouse, typical of colonial affected by alcohol that made me know the Whisky Perrier well beaten we must recognize that it is ideal against heat (I never tried the iced tea). I began to seriously m'imbiber.
The period before marriage

Upon my return of service, I found work in Toulouse and I went every weekend to Montauban to the bringue and made me play the balls. At each end of the game the winner pays a tour loser who gives it. Of course we are not obliged to drink alcohol but I drank.
The first trouble began two or three car accidents, difficulty at work. But this week I do not drink.


Note: It should be noted however that after such a journey throughout the world does not become dependent on alcohol. Conversely, the frequency of alcoolo-dependence is not different in populations where this initiation does not exist (Islamic origin, for example).



Marriage
I did that, married 31 years. At the beginning everything was fine, except that my wife began to worry about me returning in the evening with my pack of beer. But I was not too often drunk, or at least within tolerable limits. We have made a child (I was afraid it has the legacy of my alcoholism, but everything went well). Can we build a beautiful house to finish where I worked a lot. During this period my work took a long time and I continued to play the balls. Either I went back late and tired from work, I'd get half drunk. We had three girls that I have not seen grow.
I wonder how I have not had a serious accident. I was drunk more and more often, I drove in the middle of the road by closing one eye. I was lucky, we say that there is a god for drunks. Our marital relations had deteriorated. I have perhaps not all the wrongs, but I hid under my dismay alcohol
I began to hide the bottles and drink at home in secret, before sign-runner alcohol dependent.
We separated, then found resséparés since then, despite all the promises to stop, I continued to drink. Then my wife decided to sell the house and divorce, fasted it has made a sacred coup.
I rented an apartment and then came the disqualification.

Forfeiture and homelessness
See on this topic webpage: alcohol and money
The Forfeiture

This period has left some rather fuzzy images. I will gather all my strength to realize, but I find it impossible to reconstruct the chronology of events. My first time divorced (a little meadows one year) is passed. Then the loneliness, bad dating (the only ones that I could still have) made me
resume alcohol increasingly strong. I was drunk every day, even at work. I dépensais wrongly and through in the game (PMU, Poker, parts of pétanques rigged). I played large sums PMU but I lost the ticket, I was unable to remember my game I played at poker without too much see the maps (I drank playing). I have often did. I remember a tank up to 12000F I had a square 8. Only one player followed by a drawing. We see it flush tells me I look at his cards and I believe the flush on when I throw my cards then. In fact he had only one color and I struggled. But nobody has said anything. I'm nearly 50 and 000F debts that I could not settle, so I signed acknowledgements of debt that made me pay 4000F / month for over a year. During this period I had a licence withdrawal of 4 months, with a fine of 4000F and 2-month prison sentence.

I lost the confidence of my family and I have remained as 3 friends, it has at least had the advantage of seeing who were my true friends. My family was very unhappy, my mother made a depression which has not yet surrendered. I drank more and more expensive as I put the rose for home and Ricard or Half-pressure bistro.

I tried to get away with attending AA. But often I arrived drunk but still said "I did not drink today." The meeting finished I was doing all bistros to no longer be under.

I saw Psychanalystes. I came back. They do not know much to alcoholism They do not speak and the only thing they know is to say: "it's 225F". I tried to leave me alone but the weaning period is a horrible, very painful. I have had crises of delirium to shiver with fear. The anguish is unbearable.

It was then the beginning of homelessness.

The Clochardisation

The first things I did in the morning on an empty stomach was drinking a kil this rosé that I burned the gargamelle and tripe. Then I was, I was shaking. I strongly lavais me rinçais teeth and mouth with Eludril to remove the smell of that vine. I was going to work but to the lack 11h was already being felt. At noon I went back and changed back it. The afternoon was hard. This lack is very painful. J'amenais So what drink at the office. When the boss came to see me I had to have a strange air but I've never had any comment. I noted
carefully what I said, convinced that the next day, I did remember more. I was careful not to wander in the corridors but it happened to me to do so intoxicated death. The secretary, a good girlfriend, I have always been hidden and even bring with me by my ex-wife. The doses became huge (5 kil of vinasse and x Demis and Ricard). I was slates important but not me remember anything. I had to pay several times the same slate. Every night I was in a coma, slumped to the ground. I do not eat more, not me lavais more (I parfumais), I had a goal "to drink".
The compulsion too strong to alcohol sweeping all my will. When I missed alcohol in the morning, I became
crazy. The grocery store was closed I expected that the "boutique" gasoline station opens quickly and I was going to buy my fuel.
To avoid this problem one day I bought 6 of vinasse Kil and 1 L Ricard telling me that, I will be safe from missing. When I woke up from coma the next morning I looked bottles: all were empty
scattered in the kitchen. I think I drank the pure Ricard.
I had seizures, delirium tremens, I fell on the stairs and myself broke two ribs. I was very, very dirty. The apartment was full of garbage and excrement. I was more than clochardisé.
Then one day I could not go to work (I do not know how many days). The secretary concerned drew my brother who came with my doctor. They broke down the door. I guess their eyes discovering the show. The doctor woke me up, gave me an injection, made the tension and I was immediately hospitalized. I was muddy I engueulés: "What do you foutez here foutez me peace, I'm home, I do what I want ......." This was the beginning of my many hospitalizations.


The serious problem of medical competence
on this subject see the web page: Two or three things unknown about alcoholism

How many hospitalizations?

I do not know the number of trips that I have done in Psychiatric Hospital or specialized alcohol. This should turn around 15. I was hospitalized for "depression". In most hospitals where I was treated, alcohol (as drugs) was present.
Either an external sector provided alcohol (or drugs) and planquait bottles in the bushes of the park. Either could quietly leave (in hospitals in urban areas) and go s'arsouiller the bistro in the face and back neither seen nor experienced by the back door, round, like a shovel. This is known yet. I went back drunk all the perms and was often placed in solitary confinement for me "punish", which I find idiot.
The psychiatric hospitals did not "know" not treating an alcoholic. The only centre where I went that gave me satisfaction and could make me leave is that of CAILLAC in LOT. It is being treated for "alcoholism", with methods adapted to the disease .... It must be said is that all doctors are specialists, patients are all alcoholics and often the discussions are very profitable.
After 4 weeks my family (mother, brother, sister-in-law, ex-wife and children) and come see me. They were surprised when I saw transformed and thought that I was released.

The relapses and more relapses
Unfortunately from my exit I replongeais. Not much (4 halves), but it was enough to put the machine in motion. When you're an alcoholic requires: firstly know and recognize and especially not to touch alcohol.
I reprenais work some time soon to be réhospitalisé. It had last 4 or 5 years. I was still my pay. But I almost lost my job, saved in extremis-by my boss direct and Dr. of medicine Labour who was familiar with my problem.
I moved without leaving my habits. My physical condition began to deteriorate. I consulted my general practitioner who made me make full examination (scanner, blood ...). I could not hardly walk and I am often slumped in the street. Apathy over taste anything, always a few seizures that often came when I made my diminuais alcohol.
In any case, my doctor decided to give me a new hospital. At the beginning I was reluctant arguing that it had hitherto served no purpose and that in any case I did not want to go to the clinic where I was going normal and that others do not worth more.
Sensitive to my arguments I proposed a Centre Hospitalier de Toulouse whose name is synonymous with lunatic asylum in the minds of the region. J'acceptais if my brother had decided hospitalization requested by a third. In addition it was early January and had spent the holidays alone as a C.. in my apartment. I had not moral, then we would see. So I went to the Centre without much hope with the sole ambition to relearn how to eat, sleep me to wash. In the clubhouse when I was there were all the categories or almost pathological cases. I recognized fairly quickly alcoholic 2 guys I was a little relieved and we had a few discussions rewarding.
I also quickly realized that the staff, nurses Psychiatrist, I was listening. The psychiatrist quickly understood my problem and changed all medicines which I had previously been prescribed by incompetent people and against my will ... He took the time to discuss deeply with me (which is rare). Gradually he trusted me and gave me all I wanted perms (of course breath to return), I felt that I had wanted me so. I am quickly (too) went better appetite I found I could discuss, I was walking better wanted me clean. Also the Psychiatrist left me out after three weeks, but under the supervision of a nurse who went with me every week.
I do not tardais back and very quickly j'atteignais high doses. I was careful when the nurse passed, but he was not fooled. I still bound friendship with him, and I think the whole team who cared for me was really eager to see me leave me. It counted a lot.

I started to clean the apartment. Then one day I did not drink. Of course I was not good. I am not going to work and I called the nurse who was not unduly surprised. He asked me to be ready because in a 1/2h an increase VSL me to take me to hospital.
It was left for my last (maybe?) Hospitalization, with a small difference: I trust the health care team, and the approach came from me for the first time. I really wanted to get out (although I was not really conscious). The visit happened just as prés the previous except that I had more perms so I was able to clean almost merits the apartment. I ate well, I took the reading taste, I had less cramps, I was bored a little but finally settled time went by meals and visits to the psychiatrist and psychoanalyst (which took me sometimes 1h1 / 2 and came to me to remove something from my deep intimacy that I thought forever buried). After a month Psychiatrist thought that I could leave.
I spent some time with my mother to small onions, then I reprenais working with the apprehension of having lost my intellectual capacity and a portion of memory and the eyes of colleagues. To my great joy after a week of adaptation I saw that this was not.


There is 11 months of that. I know I'm not healed because when alcohol was on the rest for life. The slightest incartade automatically relapse, physiological and is due mainly to Hypophyse. Now I have absolutely more compulsion and even the smell of alcohol dégoûte me. I found my family, love of life, read, travel. I even qualified for the games "Questions pour un Champion"
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Comments
Life is beautiful without alcohol

Is there a recipe for escape?
Without hesitation I say NO. There is no miracle recipe.
What I can say is that:
* I fell on a medical team dedicated, highly motivated and competent. It must feel, it helps a lot. Otherwise feel free to change quickly.

* I put a little of my own but do not believe we can go it alone.
* We must put aside, if you can kind of thinking "is shameful", "you do not have a will," "tu me dégoûte" ect ... from people who do not understand.
* Do not panic by relapses, to a certain stage of alcoholism they are unavoidable and can even be beneficial.
* Do not wean without medical assistance. It's very painful and DANGEROUS.
* Try to AA, or otherwise, it works for some.
* Try CAILLAC it works at 70% (There are other clinics of this kind).

While alcohol is a special case because its path towards alcoholism deep its own. So his abstinence should be addressed by Psy on an individual basis. The treatment itself is individual and non-standard. The hardest part is perhaps to find the right Psy responsible for alcoholism, and know they do not run the streets. We have to put some of hers and that hospitalization is not forced by one third, the same doctor.
We must accept the condition of alcohol but does not see it as a shameful disease, be well explain how it works and say "good I am sick I have to make me care." Here there is much left.